accidental existence

Life, one sentence at a time

“…Even if your hands are shakin’, and your faith is broken…say what you need to say…” July 7, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 4:15 pm

What a long, strange week it’s been.

Having a family member in the hospital is horrid.
I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
The uncertainty is crippling.
Sitting in the ICU waiting room not knowing.

Lots of coffee.
Lots of dice games.

She is now on the road to recovery.
All medicine is working.
Hope is in the air.

Today is day 8 of daily trips to the hospital.
Sometimes multiple daily trips.
Sometimes we never left.

All of that is compounded with the holiday weekend.
That made for a short week at work.
Compound that again with a double section week caused by a special section this week.

Long.
Strange.
Week.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I can see it.
It grows with each passing day.

Having a loved one in the hospital really made me realize how precious life is.
It’s fine one day and walking around downtown.
The next day it’s on a ventilator with a 30 percent chance to live.

I can read all the inspirational sayings.
Listen to all the people tell me life is precious.
See the posters.
Here the words.
Attend the Relay for Life events.
But it doesn’t mean anything until I feel it in my heart.

Call it my skeptical scientific mind.
Call it wisdom though experience.
Just call it me.
But I felt the tears I cried in my heart.
I felt Adam’s pain.
It was my pain.
It was our pain.

You never love your husband more than the moment when you realize you could loose him.
The moment you realize he won’t always be there to kiss you goodbye each morning.
Clean the lint from the dryer because you don’t like the way it feels.
Or just look at you and smile.
The moment when you’re driving home from the hospital, look at him and start crying.
That is the moment you love him the most.
That is the moment when you need him the most.
That is the moment when you can’t imagine life without him.

Those are the moments in life that matter.

Those are the moments in life that change us.

The are the moments when we grow up in an instant.

It doesn’t matter who took out the trash last.
What shoes I wore to the event.
That he never wants to eat anything but Chinese food.

He is there.
That matters.

We didn’t see any fireworks this year.
Despite the events being a summer favorite of mine, I didn’t miss them.
I had him.

We have her.

We are whole.

Advertisements
 

“…take a seat, take your life, plot it out in black and white…” May 13, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 4:28 pm

Let’s skip the paragraph about how long it’s been since I’ve blogged.

It’s was a quiet, yet super busy day in the office.
Morning meetings followed by a judges luncheon.
However, because of the double section last week, I have no press deadline tomorrow.
I almost killed myself last week, but that’s all water under the bridge at this point.

Sort of.

This is day two back at the gym.
I took a three-week hiatus.
My knees can tell.
As can my waistline.

It POURED rain yesterday as I left Cox North.
We all know Springfield is renowned for its water drainage technology.
Long story short, my left shoe got soaked crossing Jefferson.

I really like the gym at Cox North.
It’s not as fancy as the Meyer Center.
But what do I need really?
Some cardio and some weights.
Done.
It’s also not as crowded as Meyer.
This way only 5 people see me all sweaty and gross as opposed to 50.
I’m OK with that.

Got some good feedback from the public at work today.
That always makes the day better.
Also, I visited the mayor.
So really, Tuesday success.
#winning

I’ve recently become addicted to the caramel macchiato at Starbucks.
Grande iced skinny carmel macchiato with light ice, to be exact.
It’s delish.
I have a problem.
#ordoI
#yesprobably
I feel like I’m cheating on the MudHouse.
Coffee is a fickle mistress.
#bevocalforshoplocal

My anniversary flowers are stating to pop up.
I sprinkled the seeds April 11.
I’ve got baby sprouts now.
#exciting

The neighbors cat keeps digging in my garden.
I think he’s the neighbors cat.
Maybe just “the neighborhood cat” would be a better description.
I sprinkled a butt ton of red pepper flakes.
He left it alone.
For about a week.
Mom says moth balls are the trick.
Do they even still sell those?
#whogetssweatermoths
#thatsjustweird

I’m ready for the iPhone 6 to debut.
The battery life on my 5 is in the crapper.
I charge is at least twice a day now.
For the first time in our lives, we now have our contract timed with the release of new phones.
Hallelujah.
#oldtechisforthebirds

It’s almost summer.
It was mega hot last week.
I hated it.
Office attire and 90+ degree temps are not friends.
It’s a mild 60s-ish this week.
Love.

Adam has taken on a new freelance project.
So far, it’s taken up a couple of his nights.
But, hello goodness.
Send us more.
Anybody.
Everybody.

Spaghetti for dinner.
Because I know Adam likes when I include that info.
Possible garlic bread situation.

You will be happy to know, Adam and I have a moving plan in place.
If all goes well, we should be ready to list our house in about 6 months.
I am BEYOND excited about this news.
As past blogs indicate, this has been a long time coming.
#thanksrecession
#weneedmorespace

My guy was elected second vice president of the Missouri Ad Manager Association, part of the Missouri Press Association.
This makes me third lady.
You’ve got to start somewhere, Mr. Underwood.
#icantwaitforHouseofCardstoreturn

The furbabies are getting fat.
All of them.
The cats eat indoor weight control food.
I’m a poor furmother.

Speaking of which, the girls gave me a pedicure gift certificate for FurMother’s Day.
They said they wanted my paws to look as nice as theirs.
Thanks girls.

It’s graduation season.
I don’t have to cover a single event.
I’m very OK with that.

SBJ event tomorrow night.
And Thursday night.
And half the nights this summer.
I’ve traded time with newly-minted grads for time with Springfield’s business elite.
I’ve OK with that too.

I have four-half empty water bottles on my desk.

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a runner.
I just don’t like it.
People love it.
It looks so calm.
And peaceful.
It’s just not my thang.

They opened a new Chinese place by our house.
They deliver.
This could be good.
Or bad.
Depending on my point of view that day.
#crabrangoonsarealwaysgood

This coffee should carry me through the gym.
I’ve started watching Angel on the iPad while running/walking/gliding.
Don’t judge.
Buffy was a good show and David Boreanaz is hot.
So, there.
#nerdpost
#imokwiththat
#dontjudgemesociety

I don’t see the point in snapchat.
#oldlady
#realist

Coffee pug.
He likes caramel macchiatos too.
If he drank them that is.
Which he doesn’t.
Because he’s a dog.
#littlehuman
#likeababy

Want to share mom? No, Dan, no.

Want to share mom? No, Dan, no.

 

“…pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around…” December 23, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 4:11 pm

I just finished a week-long marathon reading of the Hunger Gamer trilogy.
It was a brilliant series of books.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
In particular, I can’t stop thinking about Peeta.
For me, he hit close to home.
I wasn’t sure why until this morning.

Adam is my Peeta.

He is my balance.
My equal.
My dandelion.

He loved me before I ever noticed him.
He watched me.
Laughed with me.
Became my friend.
And I fell in love with him.

He is sweet, gentle and kind.
He thinks of my needs before I do, before his own.

It is his voice I look to for help.
His arms I look to for comfort.

I’m headstrong.
Stubborn.
Strong willed.
And a pain in the ass.
But he is always there for me.
No matter what.

His kisses make my heart flutter.

While my life is far from that of the Hunger Games, but things happen everyday.
I don’t know how I could live without him.

I hope I never have to find out.

Real or not real?
Real.
Heart numbingly real.

 

“…little by little, inch by inch, we built a yard with a garden in the middle of it…” December 19, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 4:30 pm

Let’s just get it out of the way: Yes, I haven’t blogged in a while.
You know what I have been doing?
Just about everything else under the sun.

In case you missed the memo, it’s Christmas time.
It’s 5 days away to be exact.
Did you know the 12 days of Christmas are AFTER Christmas.
They start on Christmas and run into January.
What is that noise?
I’ve never heard that before.
Ever.
Have I been living under a rock?
I thought gifts came BEFORE Christmas.
My true love has been doing it all wrong then.
#nottrue #hesdonenothing #rightbydefault

How cute would that be if your love gave you 12 days themed gifts leading up to Christmas.
I think chocolate should be involved.

Speaking of which, last Sunday was Christmas baking day.
I intended to make chocolate chip cookies, double-chocolate cracked cookies, spritz cookies and truffels.
The poor spritz cookies hit the chopping block about 4 hours in.
I’ve still got the butter, so all is not lost.
#ourbuttercostsarethroughtheroof

That hastag was for Adam.
Listen, when you like butter, you need butter and butter is on sale for 99 cents with 5 cents in gas points—you buy a lot of butter.
#truth
#extrabutterneverhurtanyone
#ihadtomaderoominthefreezer

Office Christmas party is Friday night.
Many offices wear sparkly clothes, drink cocktails and eat fancy food.
We do that more than 10 times a year for our annual events.
I’ve seen all their sparkly clothes.
At Christmas, we wear jeans, drink beer, eat pizza and go bowling.
It’s magnificent.
#iknowyouarejealous

Picked up my white elephant gift at Sam’s this year.
It’s not my traditional humous offering, but I’d bet money it gets stolen the max 3 times.

I’m a-l-m-o-s-t done with Christmas shopping.
One trip to Home Depot and I’m free and clear.
I’m afraid to venture onto the south side of town at this time of year.
People say the creepies are downtown.
As a person who works downtown, I can say with certainty, the crazies are on the south side.
Probably at Target.
#istilllovetarget

Speaking of work….back there somewhere.
It’s  been crazy lately.
But a good crazy.
A productive crazy.
Not a south side Target crazy.
I’ve passed my one year mark and then some at SBJ.
Now, everything is becoming old hat.
What we have and A&E section the first week of February?
I’ve already got the letter prepped, the email drafted and the contact book updated.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m an SBJ pro by any means, but I’m working on it.

I had Chipotle for lunch.
I’m very full.

There are literally about 3 pounds of chocolate on the counter downstairs.
People love us.
They send us sweets.
Does anybody ever think to send fruit during the holidays?
Blasphemy I know, but I’m about to hit my chocolate line.
Fruit cake doesn’t count.
#saidthegirlwhospent5hoursbakingonSunday

Sent Christmas cards Monday.
I’ve gotten a handful in the mail.
Less than 10 I’d say.
Are Christmas card dying off?
Why?
People don’t have time?
Make time.
Spread the Christmas cheer.
Tell people you know and love that, well, you know and love them.

I’d say some of you might think differently of me after this next statement, but if so, you really didn’t know me to begin with then.
I will not “Stand with Phil” Robertson and neither should you.
I’m just about as vocal of a 1st Amendment advocate as there comes, but what he said isn’t a first amendment issue.
You know how I know that?
Because he said it.
He had the right to say it and he did.
And he wasn’t hung in the streets by the government afterward.
His employer, however, that’s a different matter.
Employers have the right to fire you if you say something they don’t like.
It’s their business, their livelihood, their right.
Phil exercised his right, A&E exercised its.
People get bent out of shape because they make the argument god vs. gays.
When in reality, he could have said anything and they could have fired him for anything.
It’s not the content, but action.

Now, stop it with the FB meme shares.

I wish I had a cookie.

Eddie has only climbed the Christmas tree once so far.
That I know off.
That’s pretty damn good for a 7-month-old kitten.
BTW, she and Chuck are besties now.
Like they’ve never been apart.
#heartmelting

If we were in Russia and Putin didn’t like Phil, he’d be dead by now.
#justsayin

We decorated the house with our new Black Friday LED lights this year.
It looks amazeballs.
So many pictures taken when the icicles formed.
Check my Instagram.

Also, how much does a hipster weight?
An instagram.
Heard that gem the other day.
#imnotahipster

I hope Adam writes a year-in-review blog this year.
I didn’t feel my life was properly recapped without it last year.

In case you were wondering, yes, Hurt’s Donuts are fantastic.
Yes, they are two doors down from my office.
Yes, it is a struggle to keep from going there everyday.
Yes, they do vent their yummy goodness into our parking garage.
Did I mention it was a struggle not to go there everyday.

This year’s Christmas pug had me from the moment I hit enter on Google.
He’s a tree.

Pug tree. Sweet, sweet pug tree.

Pug tree. Sweet, sweet pug tree.

 

“…too many shadows in my room, too many hours in this midnight…” October 27, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 11:41 am

Hello blog world. Yes, it’s been about five months.
I’ve been busy.
#sorry

I just wrapped up a month of back to back to back issues with two special sections and a sort of special project section.
It was brutal.
Thanks to proper planning, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
Like last year.
When I started and everything was randomly thrust upon me.
It was crazy.
I secretly cried a lot.

BTW, I’ve been at SBJ a full year now.

Some days I miss community journalism.
Most days I miss regular journalism.
Business news has both been what I expected and not all at the same time.
I’d like to cover a nice house fire one day.
I miss that rush, that fast pace, that thrill.
Maybe a business will burn down.
That’s probably not funny.
Business news is a different beast.
One, after a year, I’m still adjusting to.

Everyday at SBJ I learn something new.
Sometimes it’s a business term.
Sometimes it’s an AP style rule.
Sometimes is just the way of the world.
Or the proper way to read a financial statement.
I love that.
It’s one of the reasons I left CCH.
Change is good.
I was stagnant.

HOLY POSTSEASON BATMAN!
Who watched Game 3 last night?
The Letterman house was all over it.
Most drama-filled game ever.
Obstruction!
It was crazy.
It was perfect.
It was true postseason.
#goCards

It’s fall in the Ozarks.
October is my favorite color.
I’ve been wearing jackets.
I love it.
I wrote a work blog about pumpkin spice latte overload.
Read it, it’s good.
#youknowyouwantto

We have officially checked in at every SDC festival this year.
Hello free Christmas ornament.
You are going to look fantastic on our tree.

Holy life, it’s only 10 weeks until the end of the year.
2013 has been good to me.
The holiday season is upon us.
Last night was Neowallah.
BTW, I’m disappointed in the last of costume pics FB peeps.
#saysthewomenwhosatathomeandwatchedbaseballinbed
I’m ready for some holiday baking.
I just refilled the flour canister.
Bring it on.
#getreadyNowatapeeps

My Christmas list is getting a lot of SDC gifts this year.
It’s only right.

It’s just another Sunday funday.
And we are at Nowata.
Adam has a butt ton of work to do.
They work him so hard.
Sometimes too hard.
He would never say that.
Does anybody besides me notice that?
Sometimes, it doesn’t seem so.

Our September trip to IKEA was a success.
Our new bedroom set up is ah-mazing.
Cozy.
Organized.
Warm.
Love it.
#hellonewcurtains

I’m thinking of doing the Turkey Trot again next year.
I’m a blob lately.
We had to give up our gym membership earlier this year.
It was time to renew.
They wanted hundreds of dollars.
We didn’t have it.
Hello blob wife.
We bought some bikes.
They are nice.
We should ride more.
When my trainer was pushing me at the gym I was a lot more motivated.
My bike simply taunts me from the backyard.
That’s a lot easier to ignore.

This month marks 2.5 years of marriage.
I love him more everyday.

Chicago Cheesesteak is fantastic.
It’s been downtown for a while now and I’d never tried it.
Do yourself a favor, have a cheesesteak.
#youknowyouwantto
#hashtag

I’m starting to think about selling our house again.
Adam successfully held me at bay for about two years now.
I’m breaking through.
And two years of equity later, my argument has more merit.
And I think he’s secretly ready to move too.
#canwekeepthesamemortagepayment

Adam’s listening to pregame football.
House rule=pregame is essential to set his fantasy lineup. Listening to the game is not needed, the app will tell you.
This year however, he’s been watching a lot of games.
I don’t know how that’s happening.
I love him?
Watching football only reaffirms my love of baseball.

I hope the Chiefs lose today.
That’s right, I said it.
Chiefs fans are much easier to deal with when the team sucks.
I can’t look at my FB feed on Sunday night’s lately.
It’s just too much.
And that’s coming from a Cards fan.
I’m not sorry.

Also, Mizzou lost yesterday.
As an MSU alumni, to that sir, I say ha.

We went to a corn maze last weekend.
Adam’s first ever.
Two hours later, we survived.
It wasn’t as fun as I remember as a kid and/or teen.
Maybe that’s a “wait until we have kids to go again” kind of event.

In case you are wondering, yes #babiesarestillfollowingme.

We got a kitten.
She’s 6 months now, 5 when we got her from the shelter.
Edna.
Eddie for short.
She has a leaky bladder problem.
She goes in the box 9 out of 10 times.
The 10th time?
She pees on our bed.
WTF.
Luckily, she hasn’t hit the mattress yet.
We have had the down comforter dry cleaned a few times now.
She’s getting pricey.
Why do we always get weird pets?
Seriously.

Sunday funday at Nowata rolls on.

It's a pug-kin spice latte. The best fall has to offer.

It’s a pug-kin spice latte. The best fall has to offer.

 

 

“…hello beauty, hello strange, hello wonder, what’s your name…” May 16, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 12:10 pm

I’m writing this blog at the request of Adam Letterman—who said he misses my random musings.

Today is one of the rare days in this job when I can take a second to breath.
I had a double section last week.
(And almost pulled my hair out.)
Meaning I have no section this week.
It’s been wonderful.
I’ve already written my article for next week’s section.
I wrote my article for another upcoming special section.
I’ve finished my CONVO for the section two weeks from now.
I can respond to emails with more than yes, no, or leave me alone.
I’m a planner.
This is a planning week.
I love it.

It’s press day, which means any minute I’ll be knee deeps in copy to edit.
But at this moment, I can breath.

It’s an event day and the office is buzzing.
There is always a special feeling in the air on an event day.
Everyone knows the monumental task ahead and the fun it will bring.
Plus, I love those mini egg rolls on the app bar.

Maybe I’m just buzzing.
I had a double-shot of espresso this morning.
One makes me twitch.
But, like I said, it’s event day.

I’m wearing a dress.
Magically, I avoided pantyhose/tights with a cute pair of leggings.
In accordance with my old editor’s recent column, they are not pants, simply a complement to my already cutie outfit.
It involves a belt.
I know, right—who am I?

The past two weeks have been a Letterman family—Adam and I—movie extravaganza.
Iron Man—hello RDJ abs.
The Great Gatsby—hello my classic literature love.
This weekend continues with the new Star Trek.
Yes, I’m that kind of nerd.
TNG will always be the best Star Trek—don’t argue, you know it’s true.
But there is something I love about the new reboot.
Even though it pretty much destroys the original timeline.

All of the sudden the office smells like McDonalds.
It’s lunch time somewhere.

Speaking of which, I’ve been eating lunch at home lately.
(read saving money)
And it’s great.
Yesterday, I watched an episode of 90210.
Brilliant.
I made a Vine about it.
Check it out.
Which BTW, hello, Vine is my new favorite thing.
I’m about over Facebook.

FYI people, Facebook is not Pinterest.
If you want to share aka re-pin a million recipes, craft ideas and/or songs—get a Pinterest account.
1—Pinterest has a better selection.
2—you are crapping up my FB feed.
I probably just offended someone, but you know everyone else was thinking it too.
#justsayin
#alsoifIseeanotherdumbassmemepostingaboutbeingagoodsisterorgrandmaImgoingtoscream

It took 15 minutes to get my coffee this morning.
I was lateish to work.
Stranded behind a group of blondes with complex smoothie orders.
#shootme

I dislike the kettle bell.

I think it’s officially summer.
In my head.
Not on the calendar.
It’s been 75-80 degrees all week.
I’ve yet to wear pants.
That’s a sign.

SDC is on this weekend’s agenda.
We are LOVING the season passes.
Great purchase.
We get exercise and fun all at the same time.
No pressure.
No rush.
If I don’t see it this time, hey, I’ll be back in a month.
Once a month is our goal.
If we hit all 5 festivals, we get a free Christmas ornament.
You know I want that ornament.
#justsayin

I know Adam likes to read my blog to see what’s for dinner tonight.
Sorry honey, you’re on your own tonight.
I have mini egg rolls.

We bought tickets to he MSU alumni day with the STL Cardinals.
Believe it or not, this will be my first game at Busch.
I’ve seen the big birds a handful of times, but always at other venues.
(It’s cheaper.)
June 1 we hit the big time.
Plus we get a sweet MSU/STL shirt.
You know I want a free shirt.

Copy should be rolling in any minute now.

This pug knows the goodness of Star Trek. Also, that's horrifying.

This pug knows the goodness of Star Trek. Also, that’s horrifying.

 

“…now I’m right here and I’m right now…” April 5, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 3:31 pm

So, it’s been a while.
I just looked—it’s been four months.
FOREVER in the lifetime of a blog.
Relatively, eh.

It’s a rare Friday when I have little to do.
The issue is out, printed and back.
I’ve made all my calls for next week.
Everything is edited or in some stage of editing.

Deep breath.
Sigh of relief.

I’m starting to work my way into this new place.
This new face.
Learn the way.
Learn the ropes.
As much as I learn, it seems each day I find a new way to make a mistake.
I’m a good journalist.
I have the MPA awards to prove it.
In the 6 months I’ve been in my new position, I’ve become more than I ever thought I could.
Thought I should.
Thought I needed to be.

I’m adjusting to the 8-5 life.
It’s almost killed me.
Then got better.
It still has its days.
Like today, when it’s B-E-A-U-tiful outside.
Today is the day I miss my old standard 2-hour Fridays.

Office field trip with Wes to buy fabric last week.
It took almost 2 hours, but it’s going to be a fantastic photoshoot backdrop.
Shoutout to Alisa for her sewing skills.
*fingers crossed*

Had a great lunch with the ladies of LEAP today.
Networking.
It’s all about the networking.

I have old coffee on my desk.
I could really go for a strawberry Julius right now.
I think I’m addicted.
It could be worse.
I don’t know that.
I speculate based on the fact that it has fruit in it.
It’s probably loaded with sugar.
Sweet sugary calories.

Speaking of which, the Pwhip is open.
That’s the Pineapple Whip for all of you who don’t speak Adam.

Free tickets to see the hit Broadway musical The Addams Family at Juanita K. tonight.
SBJ is a sponsor.
#workperk
Attended A Chorus Line at SGT last weekend.
SBJ is a sponsor.
#workperkagain
#lovetheworkperks

Working downtown has it’s perks too.
Love the atmosphere.
Love the food.
And its not so perks.
Hate the parking garage.
Somedays I miss walking across the street to my car.
The third floor is so far away from my desk.
It’s good for me.
Somedays, I don’t care.
Who am I kidding, most days I don’t care.

Next weekend is the #SGF Cardinals home opener.
Adams got us bowl tickets.
Another reason I love him.
My Jersey is pressed and ready to go.
Hello spring.

We’re headed to the Lake of the Ozarks in a couple weeks for the MAMA awards.
They want to give my cutie husband an award?
I’m OK with that.
Hello outlet mall shopping.

Wednesday is our TWO YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
Holy life.
Where has the time gone?
Best two years of my life so far.
Hands down.
No questions asked.
Love that man.

Spring time in the Ozarks is the best.
Adam is going to take me flower watching tomorrow.
What is that you ask?
I don’t know.
We just made it up.
I think it’s going to be a lot like autumn leaf looking.
It combines our love of road tripping with being together.
How could it be wrong?

Also headed to Ozpo tomorrow.
Some of you may know it as Showcase Ozark.
Lame.
Nixa has Nixpo.
Ozark should have Ozpo.
Nobody would listen to me.
I will forever call it Ozpo.
Looking forward to seeing some of my old friends.
And, of course, loading up on all the free pens I can carry.

It’s Friday.
It’s spring.
I’m loved.
Happy life.
#happywife

Spring pugs are happy pugs. #pugflower

Spring pugs are happy pugs. #pugflower