accidental existence

Life, one sentence at a time

“…Even if your hands are shakin’, and your faith is broken…say what you need to say…” July 7, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 4:15 pm

What a long, strange week it’s been.

Having a family member in the hospital is horrid.
I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
The uncertainty is crippling.
Sitting in the ICU waiting room not knowing.

Lots of coffee.
Lots of dice games.

She is now on the road to recovery.
All medicine is working.
Hope is in the air.

Today is day 8 of daily trips to the hospital.
Sometimes multiple daily trips.
Sometimes we never left.

All of that is compounded with the holiday weekend.
That made for a short week at work.
Compound that again with a double section week caused by a special section this week.


But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I can see it.
It grows with each passing day.

Having a loved one in the hospital really made me realize how precious life is.
It’s fine one day and walking around downtown.
The next day it’s on a ventilator with a 30 percent chance to live.

I can read all the inspirational sayings.
Listen to all the people tell me life is precious.
See the posters.
Here the words.
Attend the Relay for Life events.
But it doesn’t mean anything until I feel it in my heart.

Call it my skeptical scientific mind.
Call it wisdom though experience.
Just call it me.
But I felt the tears I cried in my heart.
I felt Adam’s pain.
It was my pain.
It was our pain.

You never love your husband more than the moment when you realize you could loose him.
The moment you realize he won’t always be there to kiss you goodbye each morning.
Clean the lint from the dryer because you don’t like the way it feels.
Or just look at you and smile.
The moment when you’re driving home from the hospital, look at him and start crying.
That is the moment you love him the most.
That is the moment when you need him the most.
That is the moment when you can’t imagine life without him.

Those are the moments in life that matter.

Those are the moments in life that change us.

The are the moments when we grow up in an instant.

It doesn’t matter who took out the trash last.
What shoes I wore to the event.
That he never wants to eat anything but Chinese food.

He is there.
That matters.

We didn’t see any fireworks this year.
Despite the events being a summer favorite of mine, I didn’t miss them.
I had him.

We have her.

We are whole.


2 Responses to ““…Even if your hands are shakin’, and your faith is broken…say what you need to say…””

  1. Adams Says:

    I wanted to work in something about what is for dinner, but it doesn’t seem appropriate…

  2. Holly B Says:

    I just read this post. I am sorry I didn’t read it earlier. Too busy I guess. But I have to tell you it was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Emily.

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