accidental existence

Life, one sentence at a time

“…say what you need to say…” October 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — emletterman @ 4:05 pm

Another Wednesday in the office.
But this one feels a bit different.
It’s my second to last Wednesday ever in the Headliner News office.
In case you missed the FB post and/or tweet—
I have accepted a position as features editor at the Springfield Business Journal.

It may have been the hardest decision I have ever made.
Choosing a college and major seems scary.
But it’s just picking what you like to do.
Getting married is a no-brainer because you love the person.
Switching professional jobs is a BIG deal.
It’s hard to balance the friendships and ease of a current job against the fear and uncertainty of a new position.
Change is hard.
I could never be a ladder climber.
I cried may nights on Adam’s shoulder just thinking about this switch.
I felt guilty about taking the interview.
I felt like I was betraying my current co-workers.
Like I was lying to them.
I still feel like that.
We are a family—a news family.
But a person shouldn’t feel bad for bettering their life.
A family knows that.
It took me many nights to come to that conclusion.
I’m still not sure if I fully embrace it.
But I will.
I have to.
Because it is the right thing for me and the right thing for my real family.

I will miss my friends.

A lot.

I am trying not to cry right now sitting at my desk.
I am failing.

Barbie took me to lunch today.
Our final monthly BYB excursion.
It was bitter sweet.
We will always have Twitter.
And I told her to come visit me in the big city sometimes.

Speak of which—I am SUPER excited about working in Springfield.
I have never actually lived and worked in the same city before.
In fact, I have never actually worked in Springfield.
The lunch opportunities alone are mind boggling.
Not to mention it’s a 6 minute drive from my house.
Just 27 block down the same road.
No turns.
I’ve never driven less than 30 minutes to work in my life.
Big changes my friends, big.

I sent out emails today to my community peeps.
Most said something to the effect of, “Congrats, but sad to see you leave.”
I think they are sad, but more so for themselves then because they won’t be seeing me.
I got one response that made me smile.
(and almost cry)
It was from Dr. K and simply read, “I’m proud of you.”
It was a moment of pure joy from a man I respect.
It was perfect.

I feel there is so much to do before I leave.
I have so much I want to teach the new person.
I wish he/she were already here.
I doubt they will be before I leave.

I have to start dressing up for work now.
And not dressing up in the jeans and a cute shirt sense I do now.
But rather slacks and heels and the whole nine.
I don’t think I even own that many pairs of slacks.
Shopping trip.
When did denim become verboten?
Dark denim should be allowed.

Writing my final column this week may kill me.
So much I want to say.
So many I want to say goodbye to.

Wednesday is my new Monday.

I have to park in a parking garage.

All week people have been buying me congratulatory dinners/lunches.
(I know poor baby)
My dietitian is going to kill me tomorrow morning.
I’m sure I have gained like 5 pounds.
Couple that with the I have been to busy eating celebratory meals to go to the gym and it’s going to be a bad week.
Sidenote: The chicken bacon risotto at the Gastro Pub is ah-mazing.

Tweetdeck just popped up: Cards will 8-0, leading the series 2-1.
Good job boys.

My new office is three floors.
Editorial is on the second.
My trainer will be happy about that.

It feels like people are ignoring me.

Just two block away, my MudHouse card is going to fill up a lot faster these days.

We don’t want to turn on the furnace at home.
It cost so damn much to heat our old house.
We bought a radiant heater for now.
Keeps it toasty in there.
Cost WAY less to run.
Hopefully the persimmon spoons are wrong and we won’t have tons of snow coming.

I’d like a Candy House caramel apple for dinner.
Yes, an apple is healthy.

Annie escaped into the neighbors yard.
For the third time.
She so skinny and slick and diggy.
She’s under before we even know.

Thanks John:
Take out of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration 

Take all your so called problems

Better put them in quotations 

Say what you need to say 

Say what you need to say

Walkin’ like a one man army 

Fightin’ with the shadows in your head

Livin’ up the same old moment

Knowin’ you’d be better off instead

If you could only 

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin’ in

Have no fear for givin’ over 

You better know that in the end

It’s better to say too much

Than to never to say what you need to say again 

Even if your hands are shakin’ 

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closin’

Do it with a heart wide open 

Say what you need to say 

Say what you need to say

I think I’ll clean out my desk when nobody is around to see me cry.

Office pug knows what I’m talking about.


3 Responses to ““…say what you need to say…””

  1. Trish Says:

    Going to miss you tons. Your energy, your creativity, your out of the box thinking. SBJ is lucky to get you!

  2. Adams Says:

    I’m proud of you.
    Also, carmel for dinner sounds good.

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